Monday, December 31, 2012

My 2013 New Year's Resolution

I don't normally make New Year's resolutions because I very rarely keep them.  I have all good intentions of following through with my lofty goals and I usually do for most of January.  However, I soon lose interest and energy and forget all about my enthusiasm for changing my life for the better.  So, you must be asking yourself...why is Melody announcing to the world that she is making a resolution for 2013?  And you must also be wondering how long this is going to last because judging from my history of infrequent posting on my blog...well, you get the idea. 
My 2013 New Year's resolution is to make a positive change in my life.  I know that sounds very nebulous and would allow me an easy out in case I had to "prove" that I was serious about this resolution thing.  So let me expand on it just a little.  Since Steve's death in 2007, I have had to re-invent myself.  Being alone after 29 years of dedication to someone else makes one think very deep thoughts.  I had just about worked through my grief, anger, fear and despair when 2012 rolled around.  During this year, I have faced three more life-changing events...the sudden death of my 31 year old son-in-law, my retirement after 37 years at the library, and the death of my 102 year old mother.  I have asked God many times during the past year why he hates me.  He must hate me for piling all these events on me in one year.  It has taken many hours of prayer & reflection to realize that God didn't do all of these things to me.  They have happened because of the nature of being a human being.  On the last day of this overwhelming year, I have realized that to keep myself out of a very dark place, I need to force myself into a positive attitude.  
So here is my plan.  I am a huge fan of "Pinterest".  I saw an idea a few months ago on someone's board that really intrigued me.  The person started the year with a large jar and scraps of paper.  Every time something worth remembering happened during the year, she wrote it down on a piece of paper and put it in her "memory jar".  On the last day of the year, she took out all of the papers and read through her memories.  I thought that was such a neat idea and decided that I would try it sometime.  Well, "sometime" is here.  During 2013, I plan to use this blog to record my memories and then review them at the end of the year.  I also plan to take it one step farther.  I want to post something EVERY DAY.  That's why I am blogging instead of using a jar & paper.  I figure that if I have announced my plan to the world (or at least to my friends), it will add the pressure necessary to keep me motivated.  But be forewarned...since I will be posting every day, some of the days will probably not be very happy and therefore, the post might be a bit of a downer.  But I hope that this journal will be a journey for me from sadness, insecurity and hopelessness into joy, confidence and optimism.
I hope you will follow my journey this year and encourage me when I need it and congratulate me when I grow.  Happy New Year!

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