Friday, January 18, 2013

The Monster Under The Bed

I was never afraid that monsters were hiding under my bed when I was a child.  But in recent days, I wonder...  I have no idea what got into me this morning.  Maybe it was spring fever, brought on by the balmy temperatures we have experienced in South Georgia during the last week.  Most probably it was the need to find my missing sock.  Whatever the reason, this morning, I decided to clean under my bed.  What was I thinking?  I have a king size Tempurpedic mattress and lots of pillows.  I stripped the sheets off and put them in the washing machine.  I tried to just roll the whole bed frame aside, with the mattress still on top, so I could vacuum the carpet.  That didn't work because while the mattress is in one piece, the bed frame and box springs are in two pieces.  I quickly determined that the mattress had to be removed...easier said than done.  For starters, there is not enough room in my bedroom to just pull the mattress off the frame and lay it on the floor.  I had to stand it on end so I could walk around with the sweeper.  It was not a pretty picture.  It looked like Cirque Du Soleil meets the World Wrestling Federation!
I swear...that mattress was like Frosty the Snowman who magically came alive.  Almost exhausted, I was horrified when I saw what was under the bed.  I started to take "before and after" photos, but I was afraid the Health Department would arrest me if those pictures were published on the world wide web!  I found not only one, but two missing socks.  But the best was yet to come!  My Jack Russell/Rat Terrier, affectionately known as Puddin', has been using this space as her secret hiding place for the past 5 years.  I found squeaky toys, tennis balls, and chew sticks.  That was to be expected.  However, what I didn't expect was that Puddin' has developed a love for pecans.  Before Christmas, I bought 50 pounds of pecans, had them cracked, and picked them out to give as Christmas presents and also to put in the freezer for baking.  Apparently, Puddin' has been raiding the wastebasket where I have been throwing the empty shells and carrying them under my bed to see if she could find one little piece of pecan that I had missed.  I think she has been training my new puppy, Sweetie Pie, to do the same thing, because I don't see how one dog could do all that damage.  I found a Tupperware container that I didn't even know was missing and lots of shredded paper.  There must be some ingredient in paper that works on dogs like catnip works on cats, because Sweetie Pie is addicted.  I also found some unrecognizable items that I quickly sucked into the vacuum.  Puddin' does not like the vacuum cleaner.  She barks at it even when it is not running.  With all the noise I was making as various items were being sucked into the hose, she was adding a few more decibels with rabid barking!  Poor little Sweetie Pie was so undone by this spectacle that she hid under the chest of drawers.  I could barely see her nose sticking out.  I didn't find any dust bunnies...I found dust elephants!  Could this be the reason for some of my allergies?  At any rate, I finally finished with the vacuuming, sprayed the mattress with FeBreze, and started moving the bed back into place.  My shins will never be the same.  I must have run into that bed frame 5 times before I got everything back in place.  Immediately, the dogs wanted to inspect my work.  As they jumped onto the bed, they were overtaken with fits of sneezing...the FeBreze didn't agree with their sensitive noses!  I had a good laugh, which I needed after my workout.  With clean sheets (there's nothing quite like that smell) and bedspread back on the bed, Puddin' and Sweetie Pie just had to make one more inspection.  It's too bad I have to tear it all up tonight when I crawl into bed.  Would it be too weird to sleep in the guest bedroom tonight?

The ladies have to check out the bed.

I guess it passed inspection and is suitable for napping!

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